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[Odler]

Odler,

I read your article ?She Wears no Underwear?. I laughed to near-death of the way you were able to get yourself out of Maxine?s trap. It is the best article you have ever written.

My problem is a bit different. The girl I have been courting for two years told me the other day, on a date, that at only 28, she does not quite know what she wants. She is not thinking about having a relationship right now.

I am 32, and I can?t imagine my life without her. I am stuck on her. What should I do?

?Peter? (not my real name).

????.

?Peter?,

Dump that girl. Dump her fair and square. Dump her quick and now.

Courtship is defined as the period during which a woman assesses whether she could come up with a better choice than you. Therefore, courtship should not last more than a week. Beyond that, you are seen as a pathetic geek.

At 28, every woman knows EXACTLY what she wants. You just happen to not meet this woman?s standards. You may be too short, too tall, too poor, too fat, too myopic, too peasant, or all of the above.

The bottom line is the situation is beyond your immediate control. And since she does not mind you taking her out on dates, all you do is to let her take advantage of you. Who would not want to be treated like a princess for free?

Love is supposed to be easy. If it is hard, complicated, or has been waiting in the aisle for two years, just forget about it. Drop it. Cold turkey.

This woman is lying to you. There is no such a thing as a near-30-year old woman with no interest in relationships. You can bet your penultimate dollar she has a boy friend, or two. You are just too nice to make number 3.

The only alternative explanations are that she is gay and would not tell you, or she suffers from an infectious disease and is reluctant to pass it out to you.

You think you cannot live without her because you have not gotten her yet. Once you get her, you will be upset you have waited so long for so little. And she knows it; that?s why you will never get her.

Finally, remember when a woman tells you that she does not want you; she means it. She has known it for years; she was not sure-footed enough to tell you yet.

When your wife tells you she wants out, don?t beg. Just ask her whether she would call a cab or would prefer you to drop her where she is going. Because she knows where she is going, and she is not coming back. So is this woman. Unless?

Anyway, forget about her. Catch a plane and spend a weekend in Negril, or at the nude beach in Saint Martin. Or go club hopping in the nearest city. When you come back, you will see her as whom she is: a manipulative witch (by fear of a better word?).

(OdlerRobert Jeanlouie, Sunday, May 19, 2002)

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THE POWER IN LOVE

(By Pierre Mendez Alcindor)

Cf.: ?Lost for Love.?

Odler,

Many women are going to take offense by your approach to Peter's dilemma. You solve the issue as if only the woman is both the solution and the problem.

You have not explored the possibility that the woman may be waiting for Peter to say just one magic, convincing word. Anyone can be confused or indecisive at a point of their life. This may be the result of a previous experience that was a nightmare, a total disillusion... Maybe Peter did not talk about his own skeletons hidden in his closets.

Please be less judgmental. As a psychotherapist, I have learned in my 11 years of practice that what you hear may not reflect the truth. It may simply be a perception and a response to the fashion that the woman is being treated even in the midst of the courtship.

I do not think that women are that perverse and cynical. Remember that a courtship is also a game of control and power. The woman needs security before she relinquishes power, an attribute that she definitely enjoys during courtship and that she knows will desert her the minute she says YES. Then the rules of the game change forever.

Women understand they always have the last word during courtship. No guarantees they will continue enjoying that authority.

Peter needs to reassure her that at least they will share the power. I hope that Peter finds the convincing words that will convey his message the right way,

Your point of view may be correct, but at the same time, I think this lady woman should be treated, or at least perceived, with fairness.

PierreMendez Alcindor

Miami, Florida

May 19, 2002

??????..

Chamfort said: ?Il faut choisir entre connaitre les femmes et les aimer?? (One is to choose between knowing women and loving them??

Mag Cartier

Paris, France

May 19, 2002