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[tinegokap]

Remember, life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.

1. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes.

That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

2. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

3. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've

never tried.

4. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

The only thing domestic about me is that I live in a house.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

7. Women have found in middle age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles

out of my face.

8. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government

program.

2. 9. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

10. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

11. If you look like your passport picture,

you probably need the trip.

12. Always yield to temptation, because it may

not pass your way again.

13. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

14. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel

so good.

3. 15. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

16. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

17. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

19. Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of

waist change places.

20. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

21. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you

need it.

22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

23. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than

going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

25. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to

recognize a mistake when you make it again.