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[Suki]

Now that I'm a new mother, I begin to see my parents in a new light. It is not easy raising a child, especially moving into the 21st century. I don't blame them so much for the things they denied me while growing up.

I don't know if this is true for anyone else, but my father forbid me to have American friends when I was a kid. I was never allowed to go over the house of our neighbors or my classmates, and I remember getting a good scolding for walking home from school hand in hand with another little girl. There were other incidents when I got into trouble for fraternizing with "them". I was often told that I was better than they were. That they had no manners. And that they were a bad influence in general.

I didn't start making friends until my teenage years when lucky for me there was an influx of young Haitians moving to my neck of the woods.

Even though this made me sad and probably infused me with prejudices I have yet to uncover, watching my son today playing with the neighborhood kids, gives me a wrench in my gut.

One side of me wants him to experience the joy of friendship with anyone he so chooses, but the "Haitian" side of me still thinks that Americans are ill-mannered and a "bad" influence.

I'm trying hard to rid my mind of these negative thoughts, and raise my child without prejudice. After all, we Haitians aren't perfect, and Americans aren't all bad. As a matter of fact there's a lot to admire about the American way of life. They are much more open and forgiving than us.

Talk to me. What do you think?

[jacoba2307]

Suki

Your post is very moving.

From what you write, your parents obviously did a good job in raising you, loving you and instilling love in your heart. Think of what they had to go through in a new environment, their fears and anguish after being uprooted from a place they knew and loved and landing in a new culture.

You are doing the right thing. Rid your mind of the negative thoughts, raise your child without prejudice, love your child very much and everything will be alright.

However don't be naive. All people,all races, whether they be Haitians, Americans, Asian, all have their good and less attractive sides. You must have and you must teach your child "discernement". That is the ability to distinguish between the good and the bad characteristics in the person, not the races.

You are doing fine, you should be a teacher, a mentor and a role model.

I myself grew-up in a Haiti that was already in turmoil, (late 50's and 60's) came to the US in the mid 60's and returned to Haiti in the mid 70's. I have known both sides. My children have known both sides, but more of the US side, where they are now blossoming. I can attest that there is good and bad everywhere. The trick is personal development. One must learn how to make the best of every day and every opportunity. One must stay away from nostalgia and thinking that that grass is always greener on the other side.

May God Bless you.

[Telluride]

Finalement ce n'est pas inconfortable de passer après vous, pour dire oui, Jacoba2307, vous avez raison.

Suki, il vous a tout dit. Vos parents ne pouvaient faire autrement. Vous en revanche pouvez "entr'ouvrir la porte" à vos enfants. On ne me laissait pas sortir, ni marcher dans les rues avec des condisciples de classes (élèv kay mè tankou mwen) pourtant j'étais bel et bien en Haiti à Port-au-Prince, années 70. Ce n'était pas d'étrangers qu'il s'agissait mais de l'autre, toujours étrange, toujours susceptible de dévoyer nos enfants. A en croire les gran mounn lontan, dont les principes d'éducation nous font défaut maintenant.

Vaya con Dios Suki, c'est Lui qui donne les enfants, demandez-Lui de veiller sur eux.

[Potomitan]

Being a Haitian parent myself, I do allow my children to play and interact with other children whether they are Back/While Americans, Jews and Gentiles. The approach your parents used when you were growing up to ostrasize you from Black Americans was wrong. You father might have been prejudiced against Black Americans. Please do not poison the mind of your children as you Dad did yours. Whatyou need to do is monitor the activities and behavior of the kids your own children become friends with. It's also important to talk to your children;s friends when you notice something suspicious. Let your kids be kids. There are a lot of Haitian kids that are as bad as or even worse than Some American kids.

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Potomitan

[Suki]

Dear potomitan

Thanks for your reply, but I wonder, why do you assume that I was referring to "Black" Americans only. In my original comments, I did not mention the race or ethnic background of the American children my father forbid me to associate with. Did you assume that they were Black because I am, or maybe, because you have your own prejudices against Black Americans?

In fact, my father did not want me to associate with Americans no matter what their race. To this day, he does not trust them, white or Black.

[amwe88]

I dont know how old you are but allot of imigrants not only Haitians have experiensed what you have experienced. Fortunately for me my parents were pretty liberal about this so they let me choose my friends based on character and similar interest. This attitude of thinking one is better, is bound to backfire, after the loss of your foreign accent and the realization that now foreigners will be looking at you the same way you looked at American Blacks. Unfortunately in this country there is a tendency from the larger society to keep Blacks appart and to ty to sow divisions between them. As a Young Haitian growing up I was deeply hurt by the hostility and hatred of my culture by other American kids so much that I chose to hide my culture. After a while they accepted me as long as I didnt act to haitian or show any appreciation for my culture. I was made to accept their culture, but not my own. One thing that many blacks did not understand, was that Whites were more willing to let you in their neighborhoods than them. Another problem especially with Haitian parents is the gangsta life style that American kids seem to cherish, especially in the big cities. The materialistic, drug culture also seems to clash with Haitian culture. As I got older I choose my friends on the basis of character and common interest. Therefore I have many American friends as well as Haitian. I wish you luck in solving this problem but keep in mind that one day your kids are going to be just Black, not Haitian.

[fanmnwe]

I was born in Brooklyn NYC and moved to Ayiti. I lived there for 10 yrs. I have been back to the AmeriKKKa since 1980. My years hear have been marred by racism, ethnocentrism and all the isms that are brought on by Kapitalism. I was not encouraged to have zanmi here or in Ayiti. My family believed that they would overly influenced me and besides I had many relatives to play with at home. I don't miss the close friendships that are depicted in the media as being the ideal part of growing up. I've had friends from every corner of the world but they don't stay too long. At this time, I have children and I've been in a relationship with their father for almost ten years and I'm glad that he too is of Haitian ancestry. I believe that because I am of Haitian descent many would be friends were skeptical about what they could gain from associating with me. Conversely, I did not seek them out because I feared being rejected. I still see the pity and disdain in the eyes of would be acquaintances because of my ethnic heritage. They associate my ethnicity with blackness and poverty and a controversial history. My college years were very enlightening since most of the progressive black students read about the black revolution that gave birth to Ayiti. Instead of equality, most of those old haters became advocaters of pan-africanism to rain on my "ethnic pride" parade. In other words, I feel resented by many so-called conscious blacks because of my ethnicity as a Haitian. I pray that Ayiti is free oneday soon. Until then, I will raise my children to speak Kreyol and to know their culture and history and to be proud no matter what. It is their legacy and the work of their ancestors.

[amwe88]

Though many of the ism's you mentioned are not as prevalent in Haitian society, You cannot really say that Haiti is totally free from ethocentrism. For example the color issue in Haiti, is still a problem, though not as acute as it was 20 or 30 years ago. In the US Ethnic goups are still being encouraged to stay appart by the larger dominant group. As a youth in the U.S.A., I also suffered from misconceptions, prejudices, and discrimination not only from Whites but from Blacks. Not only that, but many Whites strongly discouraged me from associating or intermingling with American Blacks or other ethnic groups. while at the same time, these same Whites, strongly discouraged me from intermingling with other Whites. This was a frustrating situation, because I could not adequately meet my basic human needs no matter where I turned. These attitudes have diminished somewhat, but they still remain among the larger society. I think some of it stems from the long History and relationship that Haiti had with the U.S. in regards to slavery... Also, I think that the larger society, fears a common bond between ethnic groups that might undermine their hold on power. Thats why they subtly encourage animosities between different ethnic groups. "Divide and Conquer" you might say. As a youth I often denied my ethnicity as a Haitian, until my soul cried out, logic set in, my pride took over, and I decided I could no longer bear to play those silly games no matter what the cost was. Currently I'm very Happy, who I am as a citizen of this planet and I make it a point to search for and incorporate the positive things of my culture into my life. As far as different friends are concerned, I have no problems with people from other cultures who can see the real me, instead of the ethnic me. It is very hard to form common bonds with people who can't let you forget your ethnicity or race. These type of people seem to classify you with all of the negatives that are associated with your particular ethnic group, not bothering to see the real person that is inside. You can find these type of people which I just mentioned, accross all ethnic groups, classes, and races. Unfortunately, some races are more adept at this sort of classification, because they have allowed themselves to adopt and develop these attitudes, throughout the years. That is what is really unfortunate...

[alexaalixx]

Hey listen,

first i would like to say who ever created this website "A+". it's good to see a positive thing towards haitians. My family is mix alot. they are mix with french, haitian, and aruban (aruba). My parents don't really deny all americans, they just the ones that they so called "low-life" you know the ones that their pants is falling off their asses and so on. My boyfriend is American, and he loves me as a young black Haitian. i say that because that is what i consider my self as. all my life i have faced the fact that people say that i don't look or talk like a regular haitian. you guys have no idea how much that hurt me. to see ignorant americans saying that to me thinking that i would take it as a complement. as for you SUkI let your son interact with different race. just show them who will benefit him from life and who want. if he hangs out with low life anything he will be influenced. you don't have to specify who it is. it could be haitians, americans, spanish, or who ever.

[amwe88]

You must live in Miami, because I have a girl friend there who tells me the same thing. That Americans are always asking her "are sure you are really Haitian, you sure dont act like it." It's a shame that in this day and age, where there is television, newspapers, and the internet people still choose to act in an ignorant manner. That says allot about the human race.