Former President Bill Clinton filed a suit this morning in New York federal court against Cardinal Claw of Boston.
Mr. Clinton claims that as a young boy, he thinks, he may have been possibly perhaps likely invariably improperly touched by Cardinal Claw, the present leader of the Massachusetts church, who replaced Cardinal Law last week. During the ?40s and ?50s, Cardinal Claw was known as the Vicarious Father Claw of Hope, Arkansas, and may have possibly likely perhaps invariably received William Jefferson several times in his confessional.
Father Claw, of his real name John Doe Number 2, inherited his saint name from his hands? ability to claw on some anatomic regions of the members of his flock.
Since these events of his early youth, Mr. Clinton has suffered from insomnia, doughnut-related bulimia, and sleepwalking, health conditions leading to his not remembering things of the sort that were done to him by ex-Father Claw. This situation explains that he often loses recollection of whether ?is? is always ?is?, and also of the proper use of cigars.
?Cardinal Claw?s misdeeds are part of a vast right wing conspiracy,? declared Mr. Crok Rain, the ex-President chief lawyer, upon filing the documents at the federal courthouse in Manhattan. ?They were designed to prevent Mr. Clinton?s presidency to go down in history as the greatest feel-good presidency ever, as viewed from under the Oval Desk.?
?These abuses,? states the suit, ?led young Governor Clinton to seek favors from women not his wife, and created in him an order of dysfunction commensurate to their initial intensity, and to their coextensive effects on his young mind.?
This situation is syncretistic with Freud?s ?Early Caress? psychoanalytic theory.
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-NY, could not be reached for comment (or rage).
http://www.jeanlouie.com/
(OdlerRobert Jeanlouie, Wednesday, May 22, 2002)
05-22-02, 12:58 AM
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