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[Odler]

(by Lim Swee Choo)

The entire world plays soccer: the ultimate sport on this planet.

If you ever wonder what extra curriculum activity or sport you want your kid to be involved in, think no more. Soccer is the Ultimate and the Most Complete Sport ever

invented by Homosapiens to date. No other sport incorporates such a wide range of disciplines.

In soccer, one is trained to RUN like no other sprinter on track. Not only will you SPRINT, you will need to pace yourself for nearly two hours, like a MARATHON athlete.

A soccer player, especially the goalie, will learn to DIVE like a swimmer without the benefit of the soft landing pool! These dives stretch better than yoga.

Playing soccer is like taking GYMNASTICS, without the sissy angle. One is trained to shoot a goal in astounding back flips. Not forgetting the dazzling quadruple somersaults after scoring goals.

Soccer is art. It is breathtakingly joyful to watch the gracious movements of a player as he negotiates the ball away from several forceful opponents. (Should I add that nowadays, their coiffeured hairstyles set the trend for our entire generation of Mohican youths.)

A soccer player JUMPS higher than a basket player. Unlike the latter, soccer players use their head! Hee! Hee!

Soccer is more than a sport it is a CULTURE by its own rights, with its elements of DANCE. Every player does a little shaky Stevens jingle to an elaborate 10-minute group dance after scoring a goal.

In soccer you must learn ACTING 101. Good acting is crucial. Just a little tap and our soccer player goes tumbling and rolling like a bowling ball. He then clutches his leg in excruciating pain UNTIL the referee punishes his opponent. The second this is done, our mendacious soccer player gets up in a spring, readying his Oscar-winning innocent angel face for when he will be later caught committing a foul.

No soccer match is without its DRAMA, from the outraged coaches on the sidelines to the angry players in the field, to the furious spectators in the stand. There is drama every time the referee makes a decision. Also there is nothing like the exciting and menacing drama played around the goalposts. Our accelerated heartbeats often come to a screeching stop!

In soccer one is taught one important law of physics: relativity. Time is so relative. When your team is winning, the game lasts forever. But when your team is losing, oh my god, time flies like a bullet.

Soccer requires minimum equipment; great soccer players come from both the dominant rich and poor countries. Pele played barefooted in the streets using just a bunched-up ball of newspaper! This is the only sporting event where a third world country can prevail over a superpower.

And tell me, what other game can reduce macho men to tears? Certainly not golf!

True soccer fans can do without food and sleep. They excuse themselves from work,

brave torrential rain and terrible weather conditions, forget to vote, disappear from their families, halt their lives just to watch their team play?

How a team play is how the country will be perceived by the world-- be it shamefully groveling to nibblingly restless. Soccer sets the mood, the spirit, the heartbeat of nations.

Soccer captivates entire nations, fires imaginations, and unites people of all races, around a ball round like the globe it rolls on.

http://www.jeanlouie.com/

Lim Swee Choo

West Penang, Malaysia

Tuesday, July 25, 2002