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[Odler]

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That was at Saint Petersburg Restaurant in Russia last summer that it downed upon me the actual different stages of that same relationship loosely classify under the unifying eponym of love.

The couple on my right, in their sixties, spent two hours having dinner, at probably the best, the most romantic (and the most expensive) eatery in the city, and for the entire time, they did not exchange a single word.

The couple occupying the table on my left, in their thirties, could not keep their hands off each other. It was kiss-kiss, hand-holding, and frequent excursions to the dance floor. They spent so much time looking into each other?s eyes, that they had no time to eat.

And, I knew then that between the left and the right, there must have been an evolution process stratified in so many stages.

Without further due, let me deliver to you the description of the FIVE stages of love.

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Stage #1. The whatever-you-want stage

The partners are crazy about each other. They think they are so lucky. One finishes the other?s sentence. They are exactly what the other expected. ?Whatever you want?? is the phrase of the day. They can?t believe they had never met before. They are soul mates. It would be hard to persuade them that anyone can do better than them. They can?t wait to show off their new acquisition. And they make love thrice daily, with each meal, as the doctor prescribes.

Stage #2. The why-don?t-you stage

The partners have moved beyond infatuation. They start noticing that there may be after all some light differences between them. These differences (flaws to the eyes of the beholder) can and will be corrected, in order for them to have their perfect mate. One then commonly hears: ?Why don?t you??? And, they make love once daily, as the pharmacist prescribes.

Stage #3. The no stage.

It is highlighted by the first NO, a meaningful, resounding NO. This the site where most dating relationships crash. True personalities, interests, often divergent, come out. One partner will refuse to go down the line of blending commonality and identity. Enough. No. N, O. Leave me alone. ?No I don?t want these shoes?, ?No, I don?t want this tie?, ?No, I don?t want to go out with your friends?. ?No, I will not have a threesome.?? That is definite. And, they make love three times a week, as tradition prescribes.

Stage #4. The no-no stage

That is a fighting stage. It is much easier to walk out, at this stage (children and financial matters not withstanding) than to stay in. One partner says no. The other can?t accept the no. That is when no answers to no. ?No, you can?t see your mother on Sunday? ?No, I WILL see my mother on Sunday.? Complete disagreement. (The Middle-East conflict is stuck in stage 4). The same topic of argument will come back again, and again, and again. And they make love once a week, as the need for reproduction prescribes.

Stage #5. The silent stage

There have had too many disagreements, too many arguments by now. They are tired, tired of each other. They can?t believe they are so different. How did they ever get together in the first place? They are afraid of talking to each other, by fear of raising another round of verbal boxing. They know they disagree, they grasp their irreconcilable differences, and they can?t believe they have to live that hell. They have no much to share. They stay in there ?because of the kids?, ?because it is cheaper to keep her?, but mostly, because they are afraid of the unknown out there. (Who would want them?). They have sex once a month, or once of year, as the ongoing silence prescribes.

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Warning: The progression between stages is not linear and irreversible. (At least, that is what some authorities think?)

NB: I personally am awfully unable to move beyond stage #1, which is the shortest-lived. That is why I get dumped once a month.

Question: What stage are you in?

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http://www.jeanlouie.com/

(Odler Robert Jeanlouie, Sunday, September 28, 2003)